05 April 2013

This 'n' That

It's been awhile since we've given an update here on Escalator Church. With Easter now behind us, it seemed like a good time to boast share what God is doing.

Escalator Church really has grown over the past couple of years. This Easter, we held 65 services over the course of 4 days on 19 different campuses. 978,864 people 'made a decision' for Jesus. We're not sure which Jesus it was—we were just thrilled they signed the card so we can hit 'em up later for their tithe. After all, no cash = cursed cash.

Pastor Bobby really outdid himself this year. We decided to hold our Egg Drop simultaneously with our outdoor services, so when the eggs dropped out of the helicopter, so did Pastor Bobby! The rabbit suit made it that much more fun and Easter-y.

For our musical guests, we invited the inimitable and mellow singing group The Way. Sure, it seems like a bit of a mismatch with the rest of the exciting events, but after paying for Pastor Bobby's parachuting lessons, we were a little strapped for cash (perhaps if more of you were tithing...). Nevertheless, The Way really helped us see and feel God. I know, I know, you're thinking to yourself, "But aren't they part of a cult?" Hey, as long as they're making a joyful noise, who are we to judge, am I right? Here's a sampling of some of their performance:

Funky, huh? That's how we roll here at Escalator Church. Come join us some weekend. We'd be delighted to have you. And please, don't forget to bring your wallet.

Okay, for those of you who are newer to the blog and are completely confused right now, please see hereherehere and here. Oh, and here, here and most recently here to learn more about Escalator Church. Once you've caught up on all of that silliness, please sit back and enjoy your week in review (kind of):

  • I don't understand the Cupcake Bible. It doesn't contain any recipes, and it's not even scratch-and-sniff. What's the point?
  • 'The Bible' miniseries should have taken a tip from this church's Easter play. Setting the stage on fire really helped the resurrection scene come alive.
  • I'm honored to have made 'The Seven' this past week. 
  • There is nothing that isn't frightening about a grown man (or woman) in a bunny suit. Here's proof.
  • My wit fails me on this one. It's just too sad and crazy.
  • Last week, a Planned Parenthood representative basically stated that if an abortion is 'botched' (meaning, the baby is born alive - what a terrible definition of the word 'botched'), then the decision of whether or not to allow that baby to live should be between the mother and the doctor. In short, she advocated infanticide. Even many pro-abortion advocates seemed shocked by this, but the reality is that this is the necessary logic of any mindset that champions killing babies.
  • The Christian Post must be receiving personal messages from God and tweeting them out to others. And apparently God speaks using Christina Aguilera lyrics.
  • Roger Ebert died yesterday. It seems he did not believe in any sort of afterlife. Sadly, he now knows he was terribly, eternally wrong.
  • Speaking of NoCo, Pastor Mike Abendroth has been preaching through Romans chapter-by-chapter on Sunday mornings. There's still plenty of time for you to catch up before he reaches Romans 5 this weekend. Start here with Romans 1.
  • Phil Johnson speaking at this year's Shepherd's Conference:


  1. Quite a glowing article from Tom Ascol, good and timely admonition. It is hoped he wrote this article after reflection upon his own departure from the faith last summer when he found every excuse under the sun to find place for and accomodate the heresy of Arminianism in the SBC. If he has not deleted the lively discussion from his blog it contains some interesting logic on his part that somehow there are two roads to salvation and the other gospel of his Arminian friends is a viable route to salvation. It is a classic display of "unity" at the cost of truth. On the one hand he claimed to be a "Calvanist" and on the other hand was ok with the "free-will" theory that supposedly brought a man to Christ. All efforts to tell him that both "ways" could not exist side by side proved futile.

  2. Regarding Televangelist Peter Popoff and his 'Miracle Water' for clearing up debts...I have an idea! (warning, sarcasm to follow)

    James MacDonald can invite Popoff to the next Elephant Room. Popoff can bring several gallons of the debt-erasing water, and anoint James with it. Then the $65 million debt that Harvest Bible Chapel has accumulated under James' leadership can be washed away!

    And the Elephant Room will have more publicity than ever. The solution seems so simple. (end sarcasm)


    1. BTW, excuse my ignorance but was there ever Elephant Room III ? (Not that I missed anything).

      ~ Despeville

    2. Despeville,

      It was late last August that MacDonald tweeted that there would be an ER3, but it has yet to happen. That is, unless they took it 'underground' like Furtick did with this year's Code Orange Revival.

    3. Carol,

      Forgive the delay in my reply, but you need to know that I literally did laugh right out loud when I read your comment. :-)

    4. Thanks EBenz. Looks like McDonald is treading more carefully, especially given all the other issues he is involved with. Perhaps he took a breather in the middle of his self imposed ministry destruction.

      ~ Despeville

    5. He currently has the gall to teach about money management..." I guess if you work hard enough at your "Christian business" or "ministry" you deserve whatever money you can rake in.


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