01 March 2013

This 'n' That

So, have you heard? Pat Robertson thinks you should exorcise the demons from your second-hand sweaters. A few questions come to mind.

photo credit: looseends via photopin cc
If demons can attach themselves to inanimate objects as Robertson claims, must I also perform an exorcism on every used book that I purchase? What if I simply walk into a used bookstore, is there a chance that a used book demon may attach itself to my shoes or my purse? Should I exorcise these objects in the parking lot before I get into my car? If I forget to cast out the demons before I shut my car door, do I need to toss some holy water around inside of the car, just in case?

What if I am planning a garage sale? In other words, I am planning to sell my used clothing and items to other people. Should I offer a free exorcism with every purchase? Do demons frequent garage sales? Perhaps it would be better if Goodwill would require that, with every donation, the individual fill out a form indicating whether or not the items being donated were used in pagan worship. Or, perhaps a better idea would be for Pat Robertson to just stop talking. Seriously, can we get a petition started for that?

Okay, before you run to your closet to start exorcising your second-hand possessions, just remember: those pre-owned demons haven't bothered you yet, so you have plenty of time to first enjoy your week in review (kind of):
  • "While most U.S. public schools start sex education in the fifth grade, sex education will be coming to Chicago kindergartners within two years as part of an overhaul of the Chicago public schools sexual health program." As if public schools in Chicago weren't already dangerous enough.
  • Pastor Steve DeWitt explains why lovers of God will not be lovers of the world.
  • The cult of Bethel Church, Redding is infecting Norway.
  • I'm so glad the kids at Perry Noble's Newspring Church are learning the Harlem Shake. It'd be terrible if they were learning something eternally relevant like, oh I don't know, the Bible.
  • Thomas Kidd offers a brief but helpful summary of the Calvinist controversy that's been underway at Louisiana College.
  • Judah Smith's wife is so proud of her husband and the success of his new book (you know, the one Justin Bieber is raving about). Seems while appearing on CNN, Smith was even endorsed by the Catholic monsignor present. Well, then, there ya go.
  • The Cripplegate looks once again at infant salvation (i.e., do babies go to Heaven when they die?).
  • Men, have you ever wondered, "Goodness, what would be the best pomade to use in my hair?" I suspected as much. Maybe this article will help.
  • So, my question is: why would anyone eat meatballs from Ikea in the first place?
  • Did you catch Grace to You's blog series about the heresies of the Roman Catholic Church? If not, start here and work your way forward.
  • Speaking of the Catholic Church, Pope Benedict XVI is gone (kind of), but has pledged obedience to whomever will follow in his red-shoed footsteps.
  • An Ohio school teacher is in court because he *gasp* had a Bible in the classroom and failed to teach contrary to his own beliefs regarding evolution and homosexuality.
  • Hey, here's more public school fun: a state investigation has been launched in Texas after a teacher had her students dress in Islamic burqas.
  • Look, acolytes can't dance. I should know, I used to be one back in my unregenerate, childhood PCUSA days.
  • Are you a writer? Do you have a television in your head that shows you other people's sins like a bad Fox drama? Then perhaps you should send a proposal to Mark Driscoll's latest endeavor: Resurgence Publishing.
  • "Dr. Steven Lawson looks at the influence relativism has had on our culture and explores the consequences:"

9 comments:

  1. Oh no! ;)
    For the last nine years I spend my Saturdays cruising Yard sales and Estates sales for items I turn around and sell on Ebay for extra pocket money. According to Pat was I selling demonic items? How about all the second had cookware in my kitchen? (a add benefit of my g-sale estate sales jaunts) Do I need to an exorcism on my picks.
    What next Christians should not go to Good Will or yard sales?
    keep up the good work.

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  2. Thanks for the post about La. College, didn't know this was going on. The response from their president is fairly common to those who hate the Reformation (and Calvin in particular). They love the shadows and dark places, and cannot stand for the truth of the Word to be held up to their lies.

    There are two things that have come to light in recent months with the Calvanism/Arminian "debate." Just before the SBC convention last summer a "statement of faith" was issued by those who hold to the Arminian lie. The result was not a refutation of the statement, but rather, it was allowed to stand. Opposition was small in comparison to the signatures on the heretical document. The authors of said statement flat out lied when they said that their beliefs were that of the SBC from the get-go. The exact opposite was the truth, the SBC was founded on the reformational doctrines of grace and were firm believers in Calvin's TULIP as confirmed by Scripture. The most disappointing response to this heretical diatribe came from Al Mohler. For the sake of "unity" he would not call a spade a spade and opted rather to let it pass off into never-never land as if it were the truth. {Hopefully, he has since changed his mind, but I've not seen anything to the contrary}. Basically these Arminian heretics were allowed to present their "other gospel" along side of the truth of God's Word. We are expected to accept both renditions as viable means to salvation-one being works and the other being grace. There is no way that both systems can be true simultaneously.

    The other and more insidious method involves the attempt to combine Calvanism with Arminianism and thus make a new "system" of grace/works all to the great joy of the ecumenical types and the catholics. This was obvious in the recent comment thread of NoCo90 of last week.

    This battle has been raging since the days of the Apostles and will likely continue 'til the Great White Throne Judgment. The real battle is not so much between two men-Arminius and Calvin-but between two theologies-works and grace. If it is possible for a man to seek God of his own accord, that man has no need of grace. If it is possible for a man to choose to follow God and to humble himself before the Almighty, that man has no need of grace. If it is possible for a man to keep himself from falling away to perdition by an act of his will, he has no need of grace. If a man claims that by an act of his will he has come to salvation in Christ Jesus, he has no need of grace.

    Which is it? God's grace or your will?

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  3. While listening to Phil Johnson talk about election, I was reminded of when Phil used to be Arminian.

    -http://www.gty.org/resources/articles/A344/Why-I-Am-a-Calvinist-Part-4

    http://www.thegracelifepulpit.com/Sermons.aspx?code=2005-10-23-PJ

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  4. If I suspect demons are sticking to my resale shop clothing or anything in the house or car, I just quickly get my cell phone and download a Youtube video of William Tapley giving a satanic update and they run away.

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  5. Look Pat, you deserve a real peace from something very powerful. At the same time, every Christian's decision should be based on the scripture.

    "Expel" is our new product created from reading Mark 5:13 and is a biblically based clothes detergent, specifically formulated for second-hand demon possessed clothes. It will remove any demons that love to linger in those 2nd hand cursed threads especially if you're worried about the 2 different kinds of materials that God told us back in Leviticus not to mix. It's an ultra concentrated, environmentally friendly laundry soap that gets rid of all those curses that people put on them.

    we have no idea just what sins people have committed while wearing these passed down clothes. Expel get's out those tough stain smelly demons every time, especially the real stubborn dark ones. As an extra bonus, we've put some quinine in there so when you're done washing you can plug in your black-light and scan for the blue-white color before you put them in your dryer to make sure they're clean.
    So, before you try and do the onus task of exorcism, why not try our new product to remove any curses that might be plaguing your life once and for all. We have no idea how far back these demons go and all the sins they've accumulated from people that will carry over into your life. You want peace of mind don't you?
    if you're still uncertain, try our new dryer sheets called "pig in a sheet" and just cast one of them babies in the dryer with a sigh of relief. Just like Velcro they will pick up any leftover demons, wrap around them and make them tumble in your dryer like running over a cliff.. Oh, just makes me think of when Jesus cast them demons in the pigs. Oh it must be a word from the Lord cause it's even backed up with Scripture.

    Oh, after all this,if our product doesn't work, just send it back and we will send you this verse for free and guaranteed real peace of mind--- "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ."-Phil.4:6-8

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    Replies
    1. LOL Good one!

      Now Linda, do you have any products to get rid of an Elephant in the Room?

      Delete
    2. Haven't thought about that yet. I just wanted to write something fun. EBenz is a great writer not me so maybe she'll come up with a dumbo of a parody.

      Delete
  6. It sounds to me like Pat Robertson is an animist. Many Americans today are animists. What is an animist? One who believes that inanimate objects have power to help or to harm us. I got an email the other day from someone who thinks that onions can prevent the flu. Not eating them, just having them in the room, unpeeled. Somebody else piped up and said that lemons prevent cancer. Many people seem to be deathly afraid of guns, as though the guns themselves can hurt you. Another lady I know is convinced that crystals (rocks) have power to help and harm. This type of believing is common in areas of the world with deep spiritual darkness, typically where the gospel has never been. For Americans to believe like this is a huge wake-up call as to just how spiritually dark our nation has become.

    ReplyDelete

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