That's right, if you missed the experience (and if you did, you better make sure you're up to date on your tithe before God's curses rain down on you), then you missed a retelling of the nativity story never before seen. Thanks to the brilliance of Pastor Bobby, who was voted in last August by tithing members, our rendition of the Christmas story was so far off the hook, you couldn't even see the hook (if you know what I mean)!
How many megachurches hired a Charlton Heston impersonator to retell the Christmas story? Answer: one, and it was us. And we didn't stop there. Mary rode in on a jet-propelled donkey because, let's face it, that's way more fun than the old way. And those wise men? They didn't just stroll down the aisle. Oh no, they danced in, Gangnam style! Take that, audacious Charlotte boy! As for the angels, well, they may have sung, 'Glory to God in the highest,' but they did so to the tune of 'Call Me Maybe.' There's no point in being coy, the truth is that the unchurched people in the audience loved it.
For the big finale, we reenacted that famous scene of Santa Claus kneeling beside the Christ child. We didn't linger there, though. It wasn't long before Santa jumped up to distribute gifts, while 50 elves repelled from the ceiling singing 'Santa Claus Is Coming to Town.'
What did I tell you? A whole 'nutha level never before attained by a megachurch. We truly did create a move of God, and we're not done yet. Stay tuned in the new year. I hate to give anything away, but rumor has it that we've booked the Holy Spirit for an upcoming Red Alert Revival. You won't want to miss it.
Okay, okay. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the concept of Escalator Church, before you get yourself in a tizzy, please see here, here, here and here. Oh, and here and here. As for the rest of you, sit back and enjoy your week in review (kind of):
- I am so disappointed in myself. The message of 'Gangnam Style' is so clearly from God. How did I not see this before? Thank goodness for William Tapley and his incredible music video interpreting skills.
- Imprisoned cult leader Warren Jeffs said the world would end this past Sunday. Well, you can't win 'em all I guess.
- The most common argument against apologetics and discernment ministries is that of, "touch not the Lord's anointed." Pastor Conrad Mbewe tears that one apart.
- Some days you just don't want to work out, but you know you should. Thankfully, there are a couple of things that can make an unwanted morning run bearable, and one of those is listening to a good sermon. This morning I enjoyed learning about "The Christmas Hymn You Must Sing."
- The pastor of Newtown Bible Church discusses evil and the purposes of God.
- Kevin DeYoung reminds us of the offense of Christ.
- I must have missed this November post by Tim Challies, "Smilingly Leading You to Hell."
- It's the end of the year, which means everyone and their dog is sharing what they think is the best Bible reading plan for the new year. Ligonier shares a nice assortment.
- Speaking of reading plans, if you've purchased A Puritan Theology and are a bit overwhelmed by it, here's a suggested plan of reading through that body of work.
- This Baptist church seems to be pretty excited that there supposedly is an image of Jesus on their door. You know, I once saw what looked like an image of a reindeer on a door at the veterinarian's office, and I never once felt compelled to alert the media.
- This may be why sharks belong in the ocean, not in a mall.
- A new Chinese law requires adult children to visit their parents. Because nothing says love like forced visitation.
- Here's an older but still very relevant article by Dr. Gary Gilley about the biblical view of self-image.
- Some archaeologist says Jesus was born in a different Bethlehem. I'm not sure if he realizes that he's not the first one to make this ridiculous claim.
- Here's your weekly dose of adorable.
- The question of God's gender has "sparked a row" in the German government.
- Surely you heard about the depraved actions of a man in New York, who set a fire simply in order to lure firefighters there to murder them. Apparently he left a note stating that he wanted to do "what I like doing best, killing people." Utter depravity.
- Christianity is "close to extinction" in the Middle East. The same study that declares this also says that "Christians suffer greater hostility across the world than any other religious group." No kidding. Welcome to reality.
- Listen to what are believed to be the first recordings available of one family celebrating Christmas Day. These are 110 years old!
- Don Green preaches through 1 John 2:19–21 about when 'Christians' walk away: