10 August 2012

This 'n' That

Photo: Wikimedia
Amid a crazy and hectic week, I came to the unhappy realization that I needed to telephone Macy's to ask them something about my account. So I dialed, and immediately knew that I would soon be filled with frustration. You know, if everyone is so worried about unemployment in this country, why don't we bring back actual, real, live customer service representatives? They couldn't possibly annoy me any more than the computerized woman on the other end of the line.

Still, this phone call to Macy's did result in a wonderful discovery. Allow me to relay an abbreviated version of this "conversation:"

Macy's Automated Voice (MAV): Thank you for calling Macy's. Your call may be monitored. Please say or key your 419 digit account number now. 
...419 digits later... 
MAV: Thank you. How can I help you today? Simply say what it is you are calling about. For example, if you'd like to know your account balance, simply say, "account balance." 
Me: I would like to speak with a real person. 
MAV: I'm sorry, I did not understand your request. Simply say what it is you are calling about. For example, if you'd like to know your account balance, simply say, "account balance." 
Me: (with audible frustration). I want to talk to a person. 
MAV: I'm sorry, I did not understand your request. Simply say what it is you are calling about. For example, if you'd like to know your account balance, simply say, "account balance." 
Me: mmm....Sha na lak ti hop si ko nu muksu ti la ti do sha ni ta da dooby 
MAV: Please hold while I transfer you to a customer service representative.
Lesson: if you pretend to speak in unbiblical tongues and gibberish, automated answering services will quickly transfer you to an actual person. Do with this information what you will. Before you give it a try, though, please enjoy your week in review (kind of):
  • Just once, I'd like to see Jesus show up in a healthy meal. What does he have against salads and tofu?
  • A new survey shows that religiosity has declined worldwide. I'm shocked. Wait, wait...never mind.
  • A friend of mine reviews John MacArthur's The Truth About Grace.
  • This newest article by Gary Gilley about the spiritual disciplines of solitude and silence is a must read.
  • The Second Coming:

4 comments:

  1. Yes, Doom and Gloom will always be my favorite as well. I am firmly convinced he could put out a CD and people would buy it.

    "World War III -- Don't blame me!"

    ReplyDelete
  2. You're a hoot Ebenz... I usually dial zero to try and get past the automated voice even though it says to speak your request..

    Next time you use glossolalia just say Chaka laka laka. It will probably go through instantly and the person will think THEY are listening to automated voice service -

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I tried dialing zero and it just circled me back to the same old, "I'm sorry, I did not understand your request." Honestly, who came up with those stupid automated systems anyway?

      Delete
  3. "Sha na lak ti hop si ko nu muksu ti la ti do sha ni ta da dooby"

    EBenz, I did not know you can go Charismatic, tongues and all... :0)
    As far as squids. Check out Vampyroteuthis Infernalis or Vampire Squid: http://bit.ly/RGM0bK which name and image certainly could work as a new logo for our government.

    ReplyDelete

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