Once I flipped past the same old chintzy jewelry, tabletop decorations, and wall art that they've been selling for years, I came across the Bibles and books. Here, in no particular order, is my list of the Top Five Books I Won't be Buying for Anybody for Christmas:
5. Sequin Bibles: "Cute and sparkly, these fun Bibles for girls beg the question, 'What kind of Bible is that?' so your child can share the light of Jesus with others. Adorably embellished with sparkly sequins, these easy-to-read Bibles are the perfect way to put the Word of God in their hands." Uh huh. Because plastering sequins on a Bible is really going to make a "tween" girl want to read it more.
4. Jesus Calling: 365 Day Journaling Devotional (Sarah Young). Um, no thanks. I don't care to read the messages that Sarah Young's channeled spirits are giving to her, and I certainly have no desire to journal and listen for "God's" voice in my own head.
3. Every Day a Friday (Joel Osteen): "Research shows that people are happiest on Fridays. Combining his personal experiences with scriptural insights and principles for happiness, Pastor Joel Osteen writes how we can generate the highest level of contentment and joy every day of the week." You know, for those times when resting in the promises and sovereignty of Jesus Christ just isn't enough.
2. The God Pocket (Bruce Wilkinson): "God is ready to reveal Himself through you to a world in need. Learn how you can partner with Him and help provide a financial miracle for somebody in need. In The God Pocket, Bruce Wilkinson discusses how to recognize a 'miracle in the making' and act on heaven's invitation." The God Pocket? Really? As one of my Twitter friends cleverly asked, "Is that like a Hot Pocket?" Well, I don't think so! Sorry, Mr. Wilkinson, but if I want someone to scam me out of my money in the name of Jesus, all I have to do is go to my local mega church. I'm still waiting for that Prayer of Jabez to pay off. But thanks anyway.
And...the #1 book that I will not be purchasing this Christmas...
1. Heaven is for Real for Kids (Colton Burpo): "Colton Burpo came back from his trip to heaven with a very important message: Jesus really, really loves children. This kid's edition of the runaway bestseller is beautifully illustrated under Colton's direction." No comment.